This morning we get to play every Homeowner’s favorite game. Second only to Where-Is-That-Water-Coming-From and the, always popular, Guess-What’s-Broken-Now. This morning, we all get to play What-Died-in-Here-and-Where-is-it. It’s the fabulous game that no one wants to play and everyone wants someone else to win….Oh Goody.
We all grumble downstairs and assemble in the kitchen: my Loving Husband, Number 2 Son, and me. We begin the hunt. It consists, mostly, of Number 2 son standing in the kitchen doorway and Loving Husband opening drawers and cabinets at arm’s length while I lean in and delicately sniff.
Early in our marriage, we established that my nose is extra-talented. This is not one of the glamorous super-powers. No one ever, ever thrusts something at your face and says, “Sniff this, isn’t it lovely?” People, who claim to be your friends, will shove questionable containers at you and say, “Has this gone bad?” This may account for my trust issues.
The macabre family game of Hot-and-Cold continues until we finally narrow the search to somewhere behind the kitchen cabinets. Now we have to empty and remove the cabinets to locate the deceased. This plan leads to some spirited discussion. My position is that demolition is non-optimal as I have plans for the next few weeks that I don’t want to change. The rest of the family holds that living with this particular aroma is also non-optimal; they plan to breath here for the next few weeks and don’t want to change their plans, either.
We come to a compromise. We will not exhume the body; the unfortunate creature may continue to Rest In Peace. Number 2 son is somewhat disappointed. He’s a fan of forensics and was all set to begin collecting evidence. He suspects the death was foul play and has gone to some trouble to find a piece of chalk. As soon as we locate the remains, he’s is prepared to outline the victim and open a case file. Loving Husband and I are pretty sure the case can remain unsolved.
We proceed to seal all the edges of the cabinets with caulk, plug in the HEPA purifier, and honor the dearly departed with a pink-striped birthday candle and the ceremonial singing of The Eagles’, ‘Hotel California’.
I wonder what we’ll get to play tomorrow.