Why does the fashion industry hate on women. I don’t know, but I’m down to one pair of decent shorts and two pairs of paint-stained cut-offs. I’m only looking for a few pairs of shorts, maybe a new pair of jeans.
Do you want to know what I found at my friendly neighborhood department store? Do you? Too late, I’ll tell you what I found.
1. An assortment of pre-faded jeans. (I already have faded jeans, that’s why I’m shopping.)
2. An assortment of pre-faded and pre-ripped jeans. (I own faded and torn jeans. I faded and ripped them, myself. I also own faded, ripped jeans, and paint-stained jeans. This is going to be the next big thing. Mark my words.)
3. See #1 and #2 in Capris but all the pockets are fake.
4. I found actual Daisy Duke cut-off shorts. Why?
5. Also shorts that are even shorter than Daisy Dukes. These are, effectively, Bikini bottoms which are decorated to appear to be shorts. They have no pockets, either. Of course.
Why, Fashion people? Why do you hate on Women?
6. None of of these clothes are well-made. They’re designed to disintegrate in the wash in less than a year. The pockets, if present, are laugh-able but I don’t feel like laughing.
7. This is why I hate shopping. It may be why I have resting bitch face.
I pull out my phone to document why I will later be found building a fort out of jumbo toilet paper packs and pillows in the toy department. I find Legos soothing.
If if one person had told me right then, to “Smile” because I’d “be so pretty”, I’d be viral on YouTube right now. I swear.
Men don’t have to put up with this crap. Their clothes are well made and affordable. They get shorts that cover more than their booty, and they are permitted to wear out the knees and fade their own jeans. None of their pockets are fake. There would be an uprising.
It comes to me that this store has a men’s department and I know where it is.
I’m now the proud owner of two new pairs of well-made, affordable, booty-covering, not-yet-faded-or-worn-out, shorts with actual working pockets; one of which is a dedicated electronic device pocket.
I still have resting bitch face but my booty is comfy and I have pockets to hold my legos.