Who Needs Pockets?

Why does the fashion industry hate on women so much. I wish I knew because I’m down to one single pair of good-ish shorts and two pairs of paint-stained cut-offs.  I’m looking for a few pairs of new shorts and, maybe a new pair of jeans. Right.

Do you want to know what I found at my friendly neighborhood department store? Do you? Too late, I’ll tell you what I found.

1. An assortment of pre-faded jeans. (I already have faded jeans, that’s why I’m shopping.)

2. An assortment of pre-faded and pre-ripped jeans. (I own faded and torn jeans. I faded and ripped them myself. I also own faded, ripped, and paint-stained jeans. This is going to be the next big thing. Mark my words.)

3. See #1 and #2 in Capris but all the pockets are fake.

4. I found actual Daisy Duke cut-off shorts. Why?

5. Also shorts that are even shorter than Daisy Dukes. These are, effectively, Bikini bottoms which are decorated to resemble shorts. They have no pockets, either. Naturally.

Why, Fashion people? Why do you hate on Women?

None of of these clothes are well-made. They’re designed to disintegrate in the wash in less than a year. The pockets, if present, are laugh-able but I don’t feel like laughing.

This is why I hate shopping. It may be why I have resting bitch face.

I pull out my phone intending to document why I will later be found building a fort out of jumbo toilet paper packs and pillows in the toy department. I find Legos soothing.

If one person had told me right then, to “Smile” because I’d “be so pretty”, I’d be viral on YouTube right now. I swear.

Men don’t have to put up with this crap. Their clothes are both well made and affordable. They get shorts that cover more than their booty, and they are permitted to wear out the knees and fade their own jeans. None of their pockets are fake. There would be an uprising.

It comes to me that this store has a men’s department and I’m pretty sure I can find it.

I’m now the proud owner of two new pairs of well-made, affordable, booty-covering, not-yet-faded-or-worn-out, shorts with several actually useful pockets; one of which is a dedicated electronic device pocket.

I still have resting bitch face but my booty is comfy and I have pockets in which I can hold assorted Legos.

legs

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Dawn Breezes

Coffee with cream,

steaming into dawn as

a sweet breeze sifts my hair.

Eyes closed in stillness

I hear the ocean in these rustling, rustling leaves

as if the trees speak in the language of waves.

And I wonder if, instead

it’s the ocean calling with the voices of trees.

As the rising steam moves softly sideways and away

I imagine these trees speaking of the shore

as

the ocean dreams of the forest.

And coffee with cream

shifts the waves

of morning leaves.

 

UniverseCheck.

forestcheckPhoto Credit: Anita Bowen Photography

Unclean? Most Likely

It came in the mail a few weeks ago, The advertisement from The Cleaning Authority: Clean Homes, Clean Earth.

“Unhappy with your MAID SERVICE?” reads the pamphlet. Yeah, I’m unhappy with my maid service! “Maybe it’s time to clean house!” Yes, my house always needs a good cleaning. It, in no way, resembles anything you’d find in a magazine or home catalog. My domestic help is lacking in both skills and motivation and I open the mailer to see what’s to be done.

The advertisement from The Cleaning Authority includes a list of services these Mighty Angels of Hygiene will perform on a regular and rotating basis. I glance at the list, intending to toss it in the recycle bin with all the other requests for money, but don’t. It’s a gripping read…fascinating and sort of horrifying. I’ve nothing against them….except the damn bar. They’ve raised the bar! I liked the bar.

“Save this chart”, it reads “and next time your cleaning service leaves, take it around and see if they did everything we do.”

These delightful experts will dust ceiling fans, dust lamps shades, clean windowsills, and wipe the fronts of appliances...ON A REGULAR BASIS. These need to be done? On a regular basis? You kidding me? Base boards wiped, kitchen furniture hand wiped, furtiture and upholstery vacuumed. These need to be done, too? The only time my kitchen chairs are hand-wiped is when they are lucky enough to suffer a spill. Shower doors given extra attention. Shower doors? I don’t even have shower doors. Now, I have to get shower doors in order to give them the extra attention they, regularly, need.

What kind of mother am I without sanitized floors and hand-wiped furniture? The crushing inadequacy! I consider hanging it on the fridge to refer to it every so often to check whether I’ve scrubbed my grout and spot cleaned my doors. Maybe, I’ll work my way down the list and start back on the top and I stop. No.

I toss it in the recycling and pour another cup of coffee. There, I cleaned up.

One Day

imageSome days you’re only one of many, many stones.

Some days you’re the stick, balancing it all.

One day you’ll find you’re neither one.

You’ll stand up, brush off the sand, and walk away wondering what all that was about.

One day, you become yourself.

UniverseCheck.

Photo Credit: Anita Bowen Photography

 

The Trouble with January

I just spent over three weeks feeding the birds. Really.

The various feeders outside my home office window have been swinging empty for way too long.  My desk sits in front of a window that looks onto the flowering cherry in my side yard. The empty feeders hang in its lower branches, framed by the window. I keep meaning to stop at the feed store. Continue reading “The Trouble with January”